


How to Save a Dying Man From a Butterfly - Nov 24, 2020

by Inky_moro



Series: Anno Uno Scribere [11]
Category: CrankGameplays - Fandom, Unus Annus - Fandom, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: 365 days to write, Anno Uno Scribere, Disclaimer: We take Zero responsibility for any actions you take because of this guide, Discussions of death, Except I'm not a Medical Professional, Informational, Memento mori, Nov 24, Ten Steps to Success, Threatening someone's life, Unus Annus, how to, instructional
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:08:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27705329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inky_moro/pseuds/Inky_moro
Summary: An instructional guide based on Unus Annus: Baby Hands Operation
Series: Anno Uno Scribere [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2016157
Kudos: 1





	How to Save a Dying Man From a Butterfly - Nov 24, 2020

Before you begin:  
Understand that the patient’s heart rate lowers anytime you make a mistake. However, this lowering is apparently the opposite- or should I say backwards- of exponential, so there isn’t too much to worry about. Of course, if you mess up enough times, the patient will die. The patient has a family, kids. Don’t let this poor person die.

Also, remember to get yourself a new set of hands. The health department has recently ordered the plastic hands be used for all medical purposes, to prevent the spread of germs. If you need more, check the supply closet or ask Sam or Amy. If neither of these resources are available- order some more online- and cryogenically freeze the patient until they arrive.  
Of course, if you’re not a licensed medical professional then something is already wrong, and you may as well skip getting new plastic hands.  
You will be rewarded when you succeed, or even if you don’t. I’m sure someone’s family hunting you down if enough of a reward for not doing enough to save them. Explain the situation, I’m sure they’ll understand.

Step One:  
Drink your morning coffee. Or tea. Something to wake you up, energize you, and put you in the right headspace.

Step Two:  
Greet your nurse/doctor. (if not employed in an official capacity, assign roles based on who knows more/is better equipped to handle the situation/is doing most of the work) This is customarily done with a plastic hand handshake, though you may shake regular hands if that is your preference or in the absence of baby hands. 

Step Three:  
Assemble the operating table. If you already have one, great! If you don’t… Create a flat and clean surface through whatever means necessary. Douse a picnic table with bleach and then sand it, if you must. You may need tools, such as a hammer or screwdriver to complete this task.

Step Four:  
Assemble your medical tools. There are a variety of tools one might normally use. For this task however, a large metal tweezer (or perhaps multiple) should suffice. You may need to hook it up to some form of electricity to cauterize the wound later.

Step Five:  
Bring the Patient in. Lay them on the operating table and give them some form of numbing agent. Put a buzzer that indicates severe spikes and drops in the patient's heart rate on their nose. These are new, apparently better and easier to read then the wires and odd machines of old.

Step Six:  
Locate the injury/sickness. In this case, the butterfly is in the stomach. While we’re not sure how this happened, please warn people about eating leaves, caterpillars, and butterflies. 

Step Seven:  
Begin the removal of the butterfly from the stomach. Encourage the patient to barf by either taking advantage of the gag reflex, or having them drink salt water. Alternatively, you may have to surgically remove the creature. This would be a good time to bring in the tweezers.

Step Seven point Five:  
If neither of these methods work, threaten the patient with death. If you are uncomfortable with potentially killing or threatening to kill someone, frame them for tax fraud. Threaten to- do not actually do it. ~~unless the patient dies~~

Step Seven point Six:  
If the patient is moving around a lot, have the nurse hold them down. Potentially threaten them again- ~~this time go after their children~~ Or you could use the alternative method of trying to calm them down.

Step Eight:  
At the point it seems the patient will not make it, you must kill them. Drowning could be a method- do it in the ocean or somewhere the blood will attract something. This way there is no proof of your failure as a medical (non) professional. Electrocution is another- though it may reflect badly on you.

Step Eight point Five:  
Try brute force, slam the body harshly. This could potentially convince the butterfly it is in an unsafe environment, and it will try and escape. Accompany this with a monologue about how you’ve given up on the patient. This will produce fear chemicals- which the butterfly could pick up on.

Step Nine:  
Freak out about the patient being alive or dead. Celebrate either way. Though you might want to leave the country if they were someone important. (if they didn’t die, well, you did threaten to kill them)

Step Ten:  
Use a bomb to get rid of your clinic, makeshift or not, and eliminate any paper records of your existence. Then go spend the rest of your life in Canada or the Bahamas or something.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: this guide has not been approved by any sort of medical professional. we claim no responsibility if actions you take because of this manual result in your death/imprisonment or the death/imprisonment of others.
> 
> Word Count: 772 :))


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